Girls like Boys
by popcornBOY
Summary: The school dance is coming up and Cartman finnaly has a date, but she finds out a secret about him too big for her to handle.
1. Eris Love's Eric

Girls like Boys

GIRLS

"hey girls guess what? my cousin is coming to visit me from Washington" Wendy told her best friend. It was recess and Wendy had been waiting all day for a break in the conversation to tell the girls her big news. "how long is she staying?" Bebe asked "a few weeks, she's going to come to school with me" Wendy replied. "Why?" asked Rebbecca "problems at home?" "mm hmm, but the best part is she'll get to go to the school dance and her school back in Washington never held them" Wendy commented, "speaking of which" said Bebe "who are you going to ask? Wendy hestated for a momeant but decided to swallow her pride and tell her friends the truth. "honestly" she began "I want to ask Stan, i think i'm starting to have feelings for him again".

BOYS

Stan, Kenny Kyle and Cartman were sitting alone watching the other boys play football. They just didn't feel like playing today for some reason. It was awkwardly silent so Stan decided to start a conversation. He thought about if there was anything he had seen that day worth mentioning. Then he remembered a poster for a school dance he head seen in the hallway. "Did you guys here about the school dance?" he asked "ya" Kyle said "that might be fun to go to i guess" Cartman hated School dances. He felt alone because no one ever asked him. Deep down it made him depressed. Of coarse he didn't want the guys to no that so he pretended he had no interest in dances. "Dances are gay" he said. "Your just saying that because no one ever asks you!" Kyle argued back. Kyle stared directly at Cartman when he said this, Cartman stared back trying to think of a reply to convince them he truly didn't care but for some reason Kyle was destructing him _there's something about him _Cartman thought _somthing i hate yet cant stay away from at the same time. No Cartman!! no stop thinking about Kyle that way! there is nothing irasistable about him he's just an ordinary person. _"Cartman quit staring at me!" Kyle said annoyed, "I know i'm ugly but you don't have to stare" "your not ugly!" Cartman said without thinking. _Oh no! _ he thought to himself _why did i say that? quick think of something else! _ "Your way past ugly your like lucky i'm not dead just by looking at you"

GIRLS

They waited anxiously at school the next day to meet Wendy's cousin. Soon they saw Wendy walking towards them with a girl they had never seen before. "Hi guys" Wendy said "This is my cousin Eris". Eris had long dirty blond hair and blue eyeshadow. She wore a baby blue jacket with pink gloves and a black skirt. She was about an inch shorter then Wendy but she did have something the other girls didn't have, something they noticed right away. Eris had Breasts. They wern't very big but bigger then Bebe's. Bebe's weren't even visible threw her coat but Eris's were. Later at lunch the girls were talking eagerly about the dance and boys. "I'm gonna ask Kyle Brofvloski to the dance" Bebe said. "He's that one over there in the green hat" she said while pointing over to the table where Kyle, Kenny, Stan and Cartman were sitting. "Ya and the one next to him is Stan" Wendy said "i want to ask him" Hydey finally felt like coming clean about her little secret "ya and see the one with the parka? he's super hot. He's a blond and his name is Kenny and i wanna ask him" Rebbecca was horrified "Oh my god! you like Kenny?, you slut!" "I'm not a slut!" Hydey protested "ya you are" argued Rebbecca "Kenny's a total perve" "no he's not i'll show you! i'm gonna ask him to the dance and you'll see he's just a nice guy!" Eris felt confident enough to join in the conversation. "Who's the one sitting next to Kenny?" she asked "that's Cartman" Bebe answerd. "He's cute" said Eris in a dreamy voice "He's not cute!" said Wendy "he's fat" "so? i think he's cute, but Cartman is kind of a weird name" Bebe commented uneasily "Well Cartman is his last name, his first name is Eric" "That's such a romantic name. I'm going to ask him to the dance" said Eris. Wendy felt the need to keep Eris and Cartman away from each other. She knew Cartman was a big insensitive jerk who was also extremely unattractive so she blurted out "no your not! Your not asking Cartman to the dance you stay away from him he's bad news" "no he's not! i'm going to talk to him weather you like it or not.

BOYS

The boys were just sitting at there lunch table. Kyle felt strange though, all day Cartman had been staring at him. _Why is he staring at me? _thought Kyle. _am i ugly or something? is there something on my face? _but now for the first time all day Kyle decided to take a good look at Cartmans face. His expression was strange. If there was something strange about Kyles face then surly Cartman would have a disgusted look on his face, like he couldn't stand what he was seeing yet he couldn't look away, but instead he had a smile on his face like he was happy. _Is he happy i'm so ugly? _thought Kyle. He was about to tell Cartman he was sick of him stairing at him when he noticed someone walking over. It was a girl, Wendy's cousin from out of town. Kyle wonders what she wanted. "Hey Eric" She said. Cartman turned around but just looked at her, everyone else at the table looked too. Stan was wondering what any girl would want to talk to Cartman for and Kyle was waiting for her to reveille that this was all some prank and Kenny was of coarse drawn to her boobs. "Umm" Eris began "I just wanted to say hi Eric." "but why?" asked Stan "well i think he's great" she answer. Stan wondered what she meant by great, like great big jerk or something? "well i just wanted to give you this note". Eris handed Cartman a small piece of pink notebook paper that was folded several times and then left back to her own table, once she was gone Kyle and Kenny were both dying of curiosity to see what the note said but Stan could care less. "So what dose it say?" Kenny demanded, Cartman unfolded the paper and read the words that had been scribbled in blue gel pen by Eris (or as Stan thought much more likely by Bebe or Wendy as a joke) Cartman read out loud "Eric, i think your awesome and really good looking. Meet me at starks pond after school, Eris." "Oh my God dude!" Kyle shouted "she thinks your hot! a girl actually thinks your good looking." Stan couldn't take it any more, Cartman was his friend even if they didn't always show it. They were all friends and Stan couldn't stand to see Cartman get hurt if he could help it, that was more Kyles job. "She doesn't think your hot dude" he began "You'll see, you'll get to starks pond and Eris will be their and you'll be all happy and giddy and then all the girls will jump out and be all oh my god i cant believe you fell for it or something" "nu uh" Cartman argued back "maybe a girl really dose like me for once! ever think of that" and with that he stormed off. "Jeez Stan" said Kyle "what was that for?" "ya" agreed Kenny "not many girls take an interest in Cartman can't you just let him have this one?"

GIRLS

Eris was in Wendy's room getting ready to meet Cartman. "I don't see why i have to get all dressed up" Eris protested as Wendy sprayed perfume on her "I said after school, i'm probably already late" "listen" Wendy argued back "I may not approve of this date with Cartman but as your cousin its my responsibility to make sure you don't embarrass yourself, for all we know you could get their ready to ask him to the dance and then Kyle, Stan and Kenny could jump out and be all oh my god i can't believe she thought you liked her or something. Okay all done you can go now" "okay bye Wendy". With that Eris made her way to starks pond when she got their she saw Cartman sitting looking kind of lonely. _oh no. I was late _she thought. So she ran as fast as she could towards him and when she got there she shouted "I'm here!" "oh, that's cool". Eris knew she couldn't stay out very long so she cut right to the chase. "Eric i think i like you. In fact your the first guy I ever considered cute. And i was wondering if you would want to go to the dance with me?"

BOYS

This was all happening way to fast. Cartman had gotten to starks pond and within five minutes of Eris being their she already asked him to the dance. Cartman couldn't answer right away so he thought about it for a momeant. _Should I? I mean she probably is the only girl who will ever ask me. Well she dose have big hooters and Kenny says that's a good thing. Of coarse Kenny is more interested in sex? am i interested in sex? i guess i have to be. _"Sure i'll go with you" "You will!?" Eris almost jumped for joy.

The next day Cartman ran to the bus stop. He couldn't wait to see his friends to tell them. "You guys guess what?" he yelled "Eris asked me to the dance! I have a date!" "so?" said Stan "we all have dates too, last night Wendy called and asked me." "Ya" Kyle chimed in "and Bebe asked me over the phone last night too" "well what about you Kenny?" Cartman asked hopefully "I'm going with Anne Polk". "Oh. Okay, well at least I'm not the only one who doesn't have a date". Cartman looked at his friends. First at Kenny then at Stan and then Kyle, but for some reason when he looked at Kyle he kept looking, and looking and looking. _Whats he looking at? _Kyle wondered _maybe he dosen't believe me that Bebe asked me to the dance, what I'm not good enough for Bebe? _ "Quit looking at me!" Kyle shouted "Bebe did ask me to the dance and i am good enough for her and you know what? after the dance me and Bebe will even make out together! "Fine!" Cartman shouted back "me and Eris will make out together too, you'll see. Oh and by the way, i don't think that your not good enough for Bebe, your very good looking!" "what?" Kyle asked both shocked and confused. _Oh my God, why did i just say that? is that what i really think, do I think Kyles good looking? is that why i have been staring at him. Nah, he's just some ugly Jew, my mouth and brain connection must be malfunctioning. _

GIRLS

It was the night of the dance and all the happy couples were dancing, but then a slow song came on. All the fourth graders grabbed there dates and slowly swayed together. Bebe pressed her face against Kyles chest and then looked up at him with a dreamy expression on her face, Kyle happily looked back but couldn't help but wounder what Cartman had meant about Kyle being good looking, maybe he was just trying to be nice. Meanwhile Cartman was very done up for Eris. His hat was off and his brown hair was combed neatly and he even wore a fancy coat. Eris had complemented Cartmans hair the minute he walked in. "You know" Eris said "Bebe said that after the dance her and Kyle were going to make out, you know i never made out before." Cartman felt nervous. Did Eris want to make out with him? He had never made out before either. "Can we make out too?" she asked, Cartman wasn't sure how to responded "Umm i guess so."

After the dance Eris and Cartman went back to Cartmans house to make out. They put there arms around each other and kissed. Neither of them had ever done it before but Kenny had somewhat explained it to Cartman but he still didn't understand entirely, once Eris had seen her older sister put her hand in a boys back pockets when she made out so Eris did the same. When she reached in she felt something _what the hell? _ she thought. Her curiosity overcame her so she pulled it out, it was a photo. A rather strange one too. "Whats wrong?" Cartman asked. "Why do you have a picture of Kyle in your back pocket?" "Oh i don't know, he looks good in it" Eris got up and started looking around cartmans room. Wendy had told her something about Cartman that at the time she wasn't ready to believe. But now she wondered more then ever "Eric, is it true you gave Kyle AIDS?"

BOYS

_how did she know i gave Kyle AIDS? _ Cartman wounderd. Then he knew what Eris was implying. "It's not what you think. Were not gay. I snuck into his room and made him swallow some of my blood." "Oh i know the two of you arn't gay. Do you sneak into Kyles room allot?" Cartman thought for a momeant "ya. Why?" "Oh my god Eric you are so stupid!" _what the hell was she talking about. Why was I stupid? _ "what the hell are you talking about bitch" Eris nearly screamed the following words "You, Eric Cartman have a boy crush on your friend Kyle" Cartman couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you suggesting that i am in love with Kyle?" Eris was still scowling "you may not love him but you are defiantly attracted to him in some way. Butters even told me you had a bet with him and when Kyle lost he had to suck your balls. And Rebbecca said she heard from Bebe who heard from Kyle that one time you phoned him and said you were stuck in the future and if he helped you get home you would suck his balls" "I really was trapped in the future!" Eris wanted to yell again but then she looked at Cartman. The face she had fallen in love with and nobody else had. The perfect chestnut hair and his soft skin and Innocent eyes that only a truly pure person could love. But then she thought about Cartman's love. He was in love too and he probably never even knew it. Eris had had to tell him. She lowered her voice and let out a sigh. "Eric" she said "I love you very much, but i think that you might love Kyle even more then I love you and i know it must be allot to take in but i want you to know i will always love you because i learned something today. Buety is only skin deep but love is amazing and pure no matter what. I wish you the best with Kyle and i hope you can find the strength in your heart to let him know. I may never see you again so goodbye" And with that she left, and Cartman was left alone to try and figure this all out.

the end


	2. Secrets out

Girls

Girls

I told Cartman I would never see him again but I guess I forgot that I still had a week in Colorado. All day at school I tried to avoid him but unfortunately during science we were paired together for a project. The assignment was to make a poster explaining the definition of the word "fusion".

"Well, umm lets get started" I said as if last night had never happened.

"Don't just sit there and pretend like nothing happened. You ruined my life!" he said.

"How exactly did I ruin your life?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How? Do you know how awkward it is to be around my friends since you told me what you did? I mean especially Kyle"

The next thing I said I didn't mean to, it just slipped out but I said it. I said "I'v got news for you Eric! It is incredibly easy to see that your crap ass friends don't like you!"

"Ay! Don't insult my friends you stupid bitch!"

Okay, now I was angry. "Your friends are losers! You've got Stan the complete pussy, then youv got Kenny the total pervert. He deserves the pain he goes threw you know!"

Boys

By this point in the argument everyone was staring.

"Well maybe Kenny wouldn't be a pervert if it wasn't for girls like you!"

"Girls like me?"

"Ya! Girls like you! Girls who go around asking guys to make out on there first date! Girls with huge freaking jiggley hooters who don't even bother to wear a bra!"

"Oh ya, well at least I'm not friends with a faggy little jew with giant red hair who your in lo.."

"Don't say it bitch!"

"who your in love with!"

the entire class gasped everyone was shocked especially Kyle. Mr. Garrison sent them both to Principal Victoria's office and Kyle kind of just sat there, stunned. Clyde made some smart ass comment and without even looking at him Kyle punched him in the stomach.


	3. Dealing With The Truth

Girls

As they waited in the principal's office they were sitting silently. All Cartman could think was _how could she tell everyone like that? Why did she have to humiliate me like that? _Finally the principal arrived.

"Okay just what's this all about?" Principal Victoria asked.

I didn't know exactly what to say, so I just told her exactly why we were sent her. "We were having a load argument"

"About what?" asked the principal.

"He said I was cheap!" Shouted Eris while pointing at Cartman.

All Cartman could think was _what? No I didn't. _"That's not what I said, I said that she was the kind of girl that made guys into perverts."

"It's Basically the same butt wipe!" Eris yelled. Just then the bell rang.

"Alright, you can go," said Principal Victoria. "I wont make you two stay after school"

Girls

Back at Wendy's house she, Bebe and Eris were hanging out.

"Oh I just want to kill Cartman!" Eris told Wendy and Bebe

"I told you he was bad news" Wendy reminded her cousin. Bebe knew that Wendy was right. _Cartman is bad news. _Thought Bebe _but in this particular situation he didn't do anything. _

"Eris" Bebe began "I hope you realize that none of this is Cartmans fault. You wanted to make out. You brought the picture of Kyle to his attention. You started yelling and you revealed his most ashamed secret. How can you possibly blame him?"

"Get out of my house" Wendy stated as she pointed to the door.

Bebe was confused. "What why?"

"Because no one defends Cartman in my house now please leave!" Bebe was mad at her friend but still left.

Boys

Kyle sat alone in his room trying to figure out what had just happened. _Dose Cartman really like me? Or did Eris just say that to be a bitch. Some of the signs to point that way but still it's weird, maybe I should phone Cartman and try and straighten this out. _Kyle picked up the phone and dialed Cartmans number. It rang and then..

"Hello?" said a voice, it was Cartmans.

"oh hi Cartman, it's Kyle"


	4. The Returne Of Camp New Grace

Girls

Girls

The next day the students sat in class waiting for a group that was supposed to come in and evaluate the children one by one. Wendy thought this was an awesome thing.

"Isn't it great that were finally getting some religion into the school systems?" she said. Stan heard this and he highly disagreed.

"How could you possibly think that?" he asked as he turned around to face Wendy. "It's outraging that just because there a religious group they can do whatever they want and no one can stop them," he continued. But before he could get another word in they arrived. A man started to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm from camp new grace. Were here to just make sure none of you are homosexuals"

Boys

Stan raised his hand

"Yes little boy?"

"But why? Why do you care?"

"Because" he answered "it's a sin and we need to fix you if you are that way" Kyle leaned over to Stan.

"Maybe I should tell them I'm not Christian," he whispered.

"No don't do that" Stan whispered back "these are fundamentalist Christians. They'll try to convert you."

"Oh" So one by one each student was evaluated. After it was all over the man read a list of people they believed were gays and lesbians.

"Okay here are the student who will be coming to camp with us to be fixed. Bebe Stevens"

"What? Me? Why?" Bebe asked shocked. The man ignored her and continued reading.

"Butters Stotch"

"Oh, but I already went" complained Butters.

"Yes and this time it will have an impact on you. And finally Eric Cartman."

The next day Bebe, Cartman and Butters left and their friends said goodbye to them as they prepared to get on the bus.

"Goodbye Cartman" said Stan

"Cartman" said Kyle "I know I was never very nice to you but I just want you to know that I do care about you"

Girls

"Wow Bebe so you're a lesbo" mocked Eris.

"Eris! Be nice she's my best friend," said Wendy defensively.

"Well now it's clear why," replied Eris snottily.

"It's okay I didn't expect her to care, she's not a very nice person." And then Bebe and the rest of the kids got on the bus.

ONE MONTH LATER

Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Wendy and some other kids were at camp new grace visiting their friends. They pulled in and each child was sitting at a table. Stab, Kyle and Kenny made there way to Cartmans table. His hair was a mess and he was incredibly twitchy.

"You guys you're here! Kyle" Cartman then gave Kyle a hug and then quickly let out a scream and pulled away.

"Cartman what wrong?" Kyle asked.

"Oh nothing, I'm perfectly normal. In fact I like girls" Cartman replied, whoever his friends were worried.

'Cartman don't you see, these people are changing you" Stan said

"Yes I know but they've assured me that it's for the better," said Cartman.

"Oh Jesus" said Kyle "these people need to know that there is nothing wrong with being gay".

Kyle looked around and saw a stage.

"I have an idea" he said "come on you guys"

The four boys rushed up on to the stage and Kyle grabbed the microphone.

"People" he began "don't you see? These kids didn't choose to be gay, in fact most of them probably aren't but by trying to change them you've only made things worse!"

"Were not convinced," said a member of the audience. Then Kyle got an idea.

"Wendy" he said, "comes up here"

Wendy quickly scrambled up on to the stage.

"You see if I did this…" Kyle then kissed Wendy on the lips. "You would say it was cute, romantic even. But if I did this…" Kyle then kissed Cartman "you would say it was evil. But you see.."

"That little boys a homosexual!" said one of the camp councilors "Get him!"

A FEW MORE MONTHS LATER

Stan and Kenny were back on the bus going to visit Kyle and Cartman. When they arrived the same set up was arranged. As they sat down they took a god look at there friends. Cartman looked the same as before but worse and Kyle was pale and looked traumatized.

"Kyle what happened?" asked Stan

"I was raped," answered Kyle in a shaky voice.

"Oh my god! By who?" asked a concerned Stan.

"By him" Kyle said pointing to a red headed boy. Stan then turned to Kenny and said

"Jesus Christ we need to get them out of here".


	5. The Why Of Eris

Girls

Boys

"Come on Kenny," said Stan "we need to figure out how to get them out of that stupid camp"

The boys were walking down the streets of South Park trying to think of a way to free their friends. Just as they were walking they came to a dark ally. Stan saw a familiar face in the shadows.

"Eris? What are you doing here?" She didn't answer his question. But then Stan remembered that Eris's friend Bebe was also in the girls part of the camp so surly Eris would want to help them. "Eris can you help us think of a way to shut down camp new grace?"

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," she said.

"What? Why?" asked Stan

"Stan! Don't you see, she's…" Kenny started to say but before he could Eris grabbed him and covered his mouth. Then she pulled out a pocketknife and stabbed Kenny in the back. He fell to the ground,

"Oh my god you killed Kenny! You bastard!"

"I had to"

"Why?"

"Because he knew my secret"

"What secret?"

"Don't you get it Stan? Eric is at camp new grace because of me."

"What! How could you!"?

"I had to. It's the only reason I came here. To break his spirit and hopefully kill him. I mean do you really think any girl would actually like Eric? When I found out that a little girl named Wendy Testaburger had contact with Eric and that she hadn't seen her cousin since she was a toddler I knew this was my perfect chance. You see the government sent me back to your time."

"Your from the future? And you were sent to kill Cartman, Why? How?"

"Well in the future Cartman becomes president of the United States, but unfortunately he was one of the worst we've ever seen."

"Because he's an evil dictator?"

"No! Don't you know anything about the government? We want a president who will do anything we say. But him, Vice President Broflovski and his wife Bebe were all free thinkers. So just like JFK we had to take him out. But Eric was smart enough to have bullet proof glass surrounding him at every public appearing, so a simple assassination wouldn't be possible so what better way then to go back in time and make all three of them go insane early in childhood. You see when I heard that he was a fat child then I knew no one would ever ask him to the dance so I did, then I planted the picture of Kyle in his pocket for me to "find" when we made out which would make him think he was a fag so he would fail the camp new grace test. And of coarse with him thinking he was in love with Kyle I knew he would be nice to him which would result in Kyle wanting to help him and getting himself sent to the camp, I was hoping that with Kyle thinking he was an "evil gay" he would never marry Bebe. Her getting sent there too was just a bonus for me and as for Butters well that's just pure coincidence," By this point Stan was about as angry as he had ever been.

"You bitch! I'll kill you!"


	6. Time Travel

Girls

Stan grabbed the knife away from Eris and pinned her up against the wall of a brick building. The knife was just inches away from her face, then Stan noticed something around Eris's ankle. It was like a thick black anklet.

"What's that?" Stan asked

"What's what?"

"Around your ankle!"

"That's my time travel bracelet" Stan grabbed it off her ankle.

"Give that back!"

"No! Come any closer and I'll stab you!" Eris backed away and Stan set the time bracelet and then vanished.

The next thing he knew he was in Cartmans room. He checked the calendar, it was one day before the dance. Stan searched Cartmans room and finally found what he was looking for. The picture of Kyle that Eris would soon plant in Cartmans back pocket. Stan reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter. He lit the picture in till it was nothing but ashes. Then he set the time bracelet again and vanished once more.

Stan was back in the ally. He looked around. No Eris, no dead Kenny. Then he saw his friends walk by.

"There you are dude, we've been looking everywhere for you" said Kyle

"Kyle!"

"Ya, it's me dude"

"Kyle have you been raped?"

"What! No"

"Cartman, where's Eris?"

"What you mean that skank who stood me up at the dance? She went back to Washington." Said Cartman. Stan was so relived

"So let me get this straight. Kenny's alive, Cartman and Kyle aren't traumatized psycho paths and Wendy's bitch cousin is back in Washington?"

"Umm yes?' answered Cartman sarcasticly

"Yes!"

"Well what were you expecting?" asked Kyle

"Nothing. Lets just go home"

"I can't. My mom has a guy over tonight," said Cartman. Stan laughed.

"Good old Cartmans mom"

"What?"

The End


End file.
